Mastering your Guest List + Keeping your wedding intimate

Planning a wedding is a beautiful journey filled with love, excitement, and yes, a few challenges. One of the biggest dilemmas many couples face is the daunting task of cutting down the guest list. Believe me, I understand – you want everyone you cherish to be there to celebrate this joyous occasion with you. But let’s be real, not everyone can make the cut. So, how do you navigate this tricky terrain? Here are some tried-and-true tips to help you streamline your guest list without breaking a sweat.

Set Some Ground Rules for Your Guest List

I know, we all hate rules and they’re meant to be broken. But when it comes to narrowing down your guest list, ground rules are the best way to keep the count in check. Let’s just rename them “wedding boundaries” to make them feel a little less gross. Establishing a few boundaries can go a long way in helping you make those tough decisions. My top three wedding boundaries are:

The 12-Month Rule: If you haven’t had a meaningful conversation with someone in the past year, chances are they shouldn’t be on your guest list. Exceptions can be made for close family members or friends who live far away, but if you wouldn’t be comfortable inviting them into your home while you wear dirty sweatpants and a messy bun, it’s a simple “no invite.”

Priority for your Life VIPs: Generally, your Life VIPs are your family and your best friends, but we know all families are designed differently and sometimes our friends are the majority of our family. That said, your Life VIPS always take precedence on the guest list. Definitely be selective – distant relatives or acquaintances shouldn’t automatically earn a spot unless they hold significant meaning in your life.

Last, but definitely my favorite: The $200 Dinner Test: Imagine inviting someone out for a lavish $200 dinner. If you wouldn’t be willing to foot the bill for them, they probably shouldn’t be on your wedding guest list. Keep it real and stick to inviting those who truly matter to you.

Create Three Lists:

Once you have your wedding boundaries in place, it’s time to get strategic! (I love a good strategy, don’t you?) The best way I’ve found after helping hundreds of brides and planning 3 of my own weddings is to divide your potential guests into three categories.

Your A-List: These are the must-invite guests – your Life VIPS, closest family members, lifelong friends, and those who you simply can’t imagine celebrating without. These are the people you would 1000% delay your ceremony if they were stuck in traffic on their way to your wedding day.

Your B-List: These are the folks you’d love to have at your wedding, but their absence wouldn’t leave a gaping hole in your heart. They’ll probably come if they have the time, but they also might forget. Think distant relatives, coworkers, or friends you’ve drifted apart from over the years and those who live out of state and love you but don’t tend to visit.

Your C-List: These are the guests you feel obligated to invite but wouldn’t miss if they didn’t attend. These tend to be the people your mother wants to invite that are her friends, but you probably met once at a holiday party when you were three. This might also include distant relatives or acquaintances you’re not particularly close to.

Stay True to Your Vision:

It can be tempting to cave in to external pressures and expand your guest list beyond your comfort zone. However, remember that this is your special day, and you deserve to celebrate it surrounded by those who truly matter to you. Don’t let others dictate who should or shouldn’t be on your guest list*. Stay firm, stick to your guns, and prioritize your happiness above all else.

*Note: If your parents or your spouse’s parents are important to you, paying for a portion of your wedding or involved in the planning, I’d highly recommend giving them a designated number of invites for those people who are important to them but not to you. Yes, this means you might need to lower your number to accommodate, but it’s not worth starting a family war. For us, this meant inviting Jake’s mom’s “apple juice lady” and a few family members I wasn’t comfortable with. But for what it’s worth, none of them showed up so it wasn’t even an issue.

In the end, paring down your guest list may require some tough decisions, but trust me, it’s worth it. By keeping your wedding intimate and surrounded by your nearest and dearest, you’ll create cherished memories that will last a lifetime. So, take a deep breath, follow these tips, and get ready to embark on the journey of a lifetime with the ones who matter most by your side. Cheers to love, laughter, and happily ever after!

Still not convinced? Maybe you should just elope with Blue Wings Events and us on June 2nd!