5 Things to Tell Your Photographer If You’ll have Kids at Your Wedding
Are you having kids at your wedding? Here is something I have learned after sixteen years of photographing weddings in the Pacific Northwest: the couples who get the best photos of their kids on their wedding day are almost never the ones who just hoped for the best. They are the ones who had a conversation with their photographer before the day. A real one. Not just a shot list, but an actual exchange of information about the little people who were going to be there.
Hi. I’m Markie. Wife. Mom. Photographer.
I’m Markie, one half of the husband-and-wife team behind Markie Jones Photography LLC in Bonney Lake, WA. I’ve been photographing weddings across the Pacific Northwest since 2011, and I’m a homeschooling mom of four, which means when kids show up at a wedding, I’m not just a photographer watching it happen. I’m a parent who completely understands the particular combination of hope and mild terror that comes with putting a three-year-old in a bow tie and sending him down an aisle.
Don’t fret mama. I got you.
My second wedding was a full-on kid-friendly affair. We had two kids of our own, and the majority of our friends and family had kids. But I’ve also photographed a ton of “kid-free” weddings. So, when I say I know both sides of this conversation, I mean it from the inside out. If you have kids at your wedding, here are the five things your photographer needs to know before the day arrives.
1. Their names, ages, and personalities
This sounds basic, but it changes everything about how I approach the day. A shy six-year-old needs to be warmed up slowly, from a distance, before I ever point a camera at her. A fearless four-year-old who loves attention will give me everything I need in thirty seconds flat if I just ask him a ridiculous question about dinosaurs.
Knowing their ages also tells me what is realistic. A two-year-old ring bearer is a beautiful chaos wildcard. A ten-year-old flower girl can hit a mark and hold it. I plan differently for both, and I photograph differently for both. Tell your photographer who the kids at your wedding are before you ever arrive at the venue.
2. Their nap and meal schedules
I cannot overstate this one. A child who has missed a nap or has not eaten is not a child who is going to cooperate for portraits. It is not a personal failing. It is just biology. When I know that the four-year-old flower girl needs a snack by three o’clock or things are going to get interesting, I build the portrait order around that. Kids first, before anyone else, before that window closes. If your wedding timeline has not been built with the children’s bodies in mind, talk to your photographer about adjusting it. This is exactly the kind of thing we are here to help with.
A fed child is a cooperative child. A rested child is a photogenic one. Tell your photographer the schedule and let them work with it.
3. Who their person is
Every child at a wedding has one person they will run to when they are done. Their mom, their grandma, their favorite aunt. The person whose lap they are going to climb into the moment they feel overwhelmed or tired or just finished being on. Tell your photographer who that person is and make sure that person knows to stay visible and accessible during portrait time. A child who can see their safe person relaxes. A child who cannot find them panics, and you will see that in the photos. This is also the person I watch during the ceremony. Some of the best candid shots I have ever taken are of a child pressing into their person during the vows, completely unaware that anyone is watching. These are the moments I’ll watch for in the kids at your wedding.
4. Any sensory or behavioral things to know
I ask every family this before a session and every bride when I know you’ll have kids at your wedding. Not because I need to prepare a clinical strategy, but because I want to show up already knowing how to make this child comfortable. Some kids hate loud noises and need a heads-up before I fire a shutter near them. Some kids need a transition warning before they can move from one activity to the next. Some kids have a specific thing that makes them laugh every single time, and if you tell me what it is I will absolutely use it. There is nothing to be embarrassed about here. Every child is different. The more I know, the better the photos.
Note: my own children are wildcards, and you’ve likely heard me mention they’re a bit feral. But that’s just the beginning of our client spectrum. Some of our favorite clients are the neuro-spicy ones and we always look forward to their sessions!
5. The moment you most want captured
Not a pose. Not a setup. The moment you want captured of the kids at your wedding. Maybe it is your daughter seeing you in your dress for the first time. Maybe it is your son walking you down the aisle. Maybe it is the first time your kids meet your new spouse as their stepparent. Maybe it is just the chaos of getting everyone ready together in the morning. Whatever that moment is, tell your photographer. We cannot be everywhere at once. But if we know what you are hoping for, we will be in the right place when it happens.
This is the photograph that will matter most twenty years from now. Make sure your photographer knows to watch for it.
I put together a free downloadable guide with everything you need to include children beautifully on your wedding day. From building a kid-friendly timeline to outfit tips to the one thing I recommend above all else (the family first look, and yes, it will make you cry), it is all in there.
Get our FREE Guide to Hosting Kids at Your Wedding Here
And if you are planning a wedding in the Pacific Northwest and want a team that will document every single part of your story, kids included, Jake and I would love to meet you.
